Once bitten twice shy

A Buddhist notion says life is suffering; simply because pain is on the other side of pleasure and attachment. When we love something, it’s hard to let go. That’s why Buddhism talks about the cessation of suffering by letting go, going back to our roots before we were forged by modern distractions, and unlocking our consciousness to know that this vessel you call a body is only one temporary state. Attaining nirvana is basically getting out of this cycle of karma, pain, death and rebirth.

Like most people, I live my life simply with the guidance of a belief, but I can’t let go of my illusion of existence because of personal attachments and goals. I am grateful for all the love and blessings in my life, but still there are days I question why I feel a certain way. I hate feeling happy and sad at the same time because I know everything will come to an end.

Love is a powerful thing, the way it can change you. I tell single friends that it’s a huge blessing to be independent and whole lest a wrong partner breaks you. And if someone manages to break you, it’s your job to mend yourself even if it takes a long time to start believing in what used to be lies. But that isn’t even the hard part. The hard part is staying soft, and remembering how to separate internal joy from external happiness. It’s knowing how to smile or laugh the same way at familiar social settings or putting in the same amount of effort and love into any kind of human relationship as graciously without retreating so easily. It’s un-learning everything because ignorance is sometimes bliss and it’s so much easier to have a peace of mind not knowing the ugly truth.

But you know what’s harder? Receiving the kindest, purest love despite my ugliest moments because I know I’m capable of disappointing and no one wants to be the “bad guy”. That’s why many people stick to toxic partners; in a warped way, it makes sinning less tough.

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