Photo 11-9-16, 6 52 55 PM
Personal, Stories

How I Ended Up With my BFF 6 Years Later (& Happy Anniversary!)

11.9.2016

On this day, 1 year ago, Singapore had its general election and the world commemorated the 9/11 bombing. 360000 babies were born and 151600 people took their last breaths, while an infant started to mumble papa (or Ipad I don’t know). Among the hustle of an ordinary day, there was also a man named Steph (in short) who climbed out of the “friendzone” 6 years later.

Well here’s my story about love.

When I was 16, I fell in love with a guy, J, and we roughed out the happiest and saddest moments for over 5 years. He was the memory of counting all our coins just to catch the last train home (because we spent it on catching sweets) till he got his driver’s license at 18, and when I got my first ‘proper’ job. I remember our first snowfall in Beijing and when he called me to celebrate his results as he studied just to enter the same school as me. We practically shared a life even as a family on overseas trips. But people grow up, grow out, and unfortunately grow apart sometimes.

Being in love and being in a relationship are two separate things. Love is a language to be learnt: the feeling alone doesn’t guarantee a happy relationship if you don’t know how to love the way your partner needs.  Though J and I were childhood sweethearts, it became an unhealthy obsession I had to leave behind. Maybe because we loved each other more than ourselves that it drove us mad, or perhaps we were too young to settle our incompatibility. As I grew older, I got to know myself better and who I wanted to be that it rippled through every aspect of my life including my choice in men.

Steph on the other side of the galaxy was never “my type”.

On the surface, I was usually more attracted to slim pretty boys. But Steph? He’s a bit odd unique. He’s that fully tattooed macho man with facial hair who makes me cringe every time he does that chest dance in his cartoon tee. But when he speaks, he can sound like a 40 year old gentleman from the 1930s – like the time he came to my house on his own free will to seek permission from my parents to date me. Oh God.

He loves romance novels, old jazz music, dinosaurs, hiding his feelings for me (c’mon 6 years you owe me), family time, and helping people. 2 days ago, he ran out of the car to help a McDonald’s guy with the boxes. Despite being physically strong, the masculinity I see in him is the way he kisses his mum goodbye and  puts others before him. Never petty, always logical in thought.

In simplified Singlish, he’s a damn steady lomantic Ang Kong Siao that can chut many pattern but dating game cmi. Muscle so big but too paiseh to  ask Chevonne ai stead mai (lol kidding about that).

It’s funny how taste and opinions can change so much. All of a sudden, your favourite eyes are the ones that look at you with such love when your breath stinks in the morning, and your favourite body isn’t like any Calvin Klein model but the unique curves you hold each time you hug.

Early 2010

In early 2010, J and I were at a friend’s birthday dinner and that was where I first met Steph. We didn’t speak although he admitted to checking me out that night. But knowing him, he doesn’t really “check” girls out. He usually looks upon people dotingly and think “oh that girl looks pretty” like a father telling his daughter how she looks on her wedding day. That was also the night that I found out he was joining J and I in the same school.

Few months later, I had an argument one night and I bumped into Steph who asked me if I was okay. I told him I broke up with J and that’s how we started talking. I never believed in a rebound, nor do I like girls who play with feelings and act dumb about it, so I was always made sure I kept a  clear distance. Looking back at our old conversations, I sounded like an older brother poking fun of his little brother’s porn stash. There was no way he could treat me like the regular girl, I thought.

To put it bluntly, I didn’t want him to fall for me. I tend to place relationships, infatuation, lust, and love in separate boxes. Even if I think I like someone, my feelings don’t govern a single flirtation if I know it’s not 100% right for a relationship. In my case, I still loved my ex so it wasn’t fair.

As days passed, Steph became one of my closest friends and we would spend school breaks together, skip school to play with cats, drive out till 6am, and talk about anything and everything. He spoke to my ex on how to get me back while I asked him to suggest any girl he was interested in. I waited for him at his rugby games and we even watched films in his room –  not even like “netflix-and-chill” where everything has to be sexual these days. It was the simple enjoyment of communicating, sharing silly experiences, and laughing over nothing in particular.  

Some time down the road, people started to ask us if we were dating, but I openly said “no lah he’s just a bro haha” just to avoid any awkward silences. That’s why he never told me; he knew I bro-zoned him. Oops. I thought that if he had the remote chance of liking me, he would have backed off like most guys after hearing the verdict.

But even so, as months and years passed, he became that guy who not just asked if I was okay, but made sure I was okay even if I said I was. No person has ever seen me cry over a guy the way he has, because I’m usually too vain to waste my mascara. “Idiot” I’d think, for putting his heart out like that. “Does he like me? Is he gay? Maybe he’s just really nice.”

He was the one I could call at 3am, the one who surprised me outside the club so he could drive me home because he knew I had an anxiety issue over a phone call, and the one who drove me to my ex’s place and secretly waited for hours at the carpark (silly him) on the night my ex wanted to meet me to get back together. He was someone not many knew about because he wasn’t the one standing beside me in a club with camera flashes, but the one who made sure I got home safe after the party ended.

Alas, we never spoke a word about things between us and I eventually decided to get back with my ex the second time. Steph started to drift a little and I admit I felt a weird tug in my heart but I brushed it off.

He entered his first relationship with a girl shortly after, which I felt was a bit too abrupt for his style. Nonetheless, I was happy for him, but for 1 year we lost contact due to our personal commitments. Simply put, you can’t hang out till 6am as per normal with a platonic straight friend and watch Family Guy once you have a partner.

There was one night when Steph wanted to meet up a year later but my ex surprised me at my place so I called it off. I didn’t know Steph was already at the carpark that night. As weird as it sounds, he would text me out of the blue when I felt bluest – the kind of coincidence like he had secretly installed some spy cam.

So we carried on our lives as per normal and I got busy with work while he entered the Air Force.

May 2015

In May 2015, I broke up with J for good although I’ll always wish him well as we shared some of the best memories and I know how good of a person he can be.

The very next day, Steph had to text me  to accompany him to an art exhibition. It turned out different from what we expected so we left early and headed nearby for some beer and grub, where Steph had to ask me about J too. So I replied him, oh yeah he’s good!

That night, he told me he had split up with his ex a year ago and I eventually broke the news about my breakup. I told him that this time it felt different. It felt real, like it ran its course and I accepted it with no struggle. I felt older, tougher, and more self-assured.

Steph too had changed a little and he became more understanding about the complexities of the female mind. He used to be idealistic about females and I felt too crazy for him so I always thought he suited less vocal girls. I also needed him to understand that yes we burp, we fart, we pick our noses, and we go short circuit sometimes. Maybe that’s why many of us choose wrong relationships because we blindly match ourselves on the surface; crazy to crazy, good to good, never really finding out more important things we share deep down.

I also found the older him more sexy (give chance la he puts so much effort in the gym). That’s partially because he bribed me with food – he would cook and pack the best porridge for me. When I wanted to be that independent woman who needed no man, there he went lifting the heaviest furnitures and helping me with chores. He basically made me feel like a useless maiden in some frilly dress but I respected the things he could do that I couldn’t.

After the breakup, I was encouraged to go on dates with some great guys but I found myself wanting to tell everything to Steph at the end of the night. I found some solace in just being all kinds of me around him, the way he showed genuine interest in even my lamest hobbies. I didn’t want to answer get-to-know questions in some swanky bar with strangers; I just wanted to be with real company and speak my mind without worrying if there was chilli stuck between my teeth.

August 2015

In August 2015, we flew to Australia for a road trip with a friend and on the plane home, he hinted his feelings to me for the very first time.

Steph: “Hey um Yuan asked me if I liked you.”

Me: “Haha so what did you say.”

Steph: “I asked her, what if I do?”

In my head: *a piano solo of Gymnopedie No.1 went off key* *a potato dropped from a passenger’s mouth* *a frog choked on his croaking* *a wine glass topped over* *silent mumbles of hokkien cusses* *Morgan Freeman squealed*

Me: “oh haha. Yeah she asked me too but I said I wasn’t intending to date anytime soon.”

*everything that halted in my head started to scurry around hurriedly*

You can probably imagine what happened the entire month with my girlfriends and colleagues. A friend said, “I’m not urging you to be with him just because I like him, but because I see how happy you are with him. You’re not giving your heart a chance.”

One of my best guy friends said, “he can never be that best friend once there are feelings involved. I am that friend but sorry he does way more than that. Trust me I notice the way he looks at you.”

Few days later, Steph met me for dinner to explain everything to me – the girls he pretended to be interested in when we were in school just to make things less awkward between us, his friends who knew all along, and that he lied he was near my place just so he could deliver me medicine when I was sick. With admitted feelings, our friendship was on the line and I risked losing him again.

But in September, I chose to change my life.

It was because I chose to have a positive relationship with myself that I could share it with another. I chose to leave my doubts behind and give a good man a chance. Taylor Swift can sing all the love songs she wants but we know the cycle; if you think someone else is going to save you and sprinkle you with happiness, it will probably end up in manipulation not love.

It’s been only a year, but a year that took 6 years to figure. And everyday I wake up with appreciation because I have someone to share the same humour, music, nature and principles as me. I have someone who is willing to try to make things right, even if things aren’t perfect.

Nothing is permanent. But in this temporary life, I want to be with the person who reflects the best version of me.  My rule is, a partner has to treat you better than a best friend would. And I don’t think anyone could do that in my case. He ruined my expectations.

So is there ever a “type” of person meant for us? I don’t think we’d ever know. But that doesn’t matter. What we assume we like may not be what’s good for us. And it’s only when we start being good to ourselves deep down that we can realize what’s good in the first place.

There are many kinds of love but the best ones are those that add value to your own life when you are already complete. 

Thank you Steph for loving me and my morning drool. Happy anniversary.

With all my soul,

The human who creepily stares at you in your sleep because I’m paranoid that everyday could be your last.

Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like

61 Comments

  • Reply Kupu September 21, 2016 at 11:57 am

    Very, very beautifully written. Congrats 🙂

    • Reply Chevy September 21, 2016 at 1:49 pm

      Thank you! Wish I could have mentioned more things but I had to rush this out off my head. x

  • Reply Eunice Loh September 21, 2016 at 12:59 pm

    Hi Chevon, reading ur blog is somewhat similar to what i have experienced. The only difference is that i have married him… Whatever u have described really pulled a cord in my heart… It was kinda creepy like i wrote this same story in my head… Am happy that im not the only one who experienced this… 🙂

    • Reply Chevy September 21, 2016 at 1:57 pm

      Aww @ “the only diff is that I have married him”. I think after my previous rship, I sometimes wonder whether or not a rship might work out till I’m old. Cos love itself isn’t enough. Life is full of surprises but what matters most is right now hence I try to write things down to remember haha.

  • Reply Grace September 21, 2016 at 3:46 pm

    Throughout the whole reading of this post, I cant help but keep doing the awwwww sound~ Wish you both the best!!!

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:26 am

      thank you Grace!

  • Reply JT September 21, 2016 at 5:52 pm

    nice and good read. all the best.. 🙂

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:26 am

      <3 :)

  • Reply Javier Lim September 21, 2016 at 6:43 pm

    It’s so sweet, really worth my time reading 😊

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:26 am

      thank you!! 🙂

  • Reply Ivory September 21, 2016 at 9:40 pm

    This is one of best post that I have ever read in my life. If you are meant to be with the person. The person will eventually come back to you 😊
    Feel very happy for you!
    Happy anniversary to you two ❤️

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:29 am

      That’s too big of a compliment! I read somewhere that by 16, majority of people (perhaps half or more) would have already met their spouse. Funny, I wonder how true. Thank you!

  • Reply Melvin Lau September 21, 2016 at 10:16 pm

    aw that’s sweet Chevonne!

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:25 am

      thank you melvin! 😀

  • Reply Metalfyre September 21, 2016 at 11:00 pm

    Beautiful. Both of you faced your fears of losing the bff relationship…and that must have taken great courage! Seems like a great asset to have to help make your relationship stronger.

    You struck a chord within me with your ‘what you think you like may not be what’s good for you’ phrase…something I had to learn the hard way.

    Thank you for sharing.

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:31 am

      Everything takes risk – that’s what he told me.. or more like persuaded me with. Glad it meant something to you. xo

  • Reply awesomeieng September 21, 2016 at 11:51 pm

    Nicely read. Total agree with your last few paragraph 🙂

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:25 am

      thank you 🙂

  • Reply Anonymous September 22, 2016 at 1:06 am

    Just thought you should know, this is beautiful. Bless the two of you for a lasting relationship 🙂

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:24 am

      thank you!

  • Reply Blake September 22, 2016 at 8:23 am

    Beautiful story.

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:24 am

      thanks blake. 🙂

  • Reply Silviana September 22, 2016 at 11:24 am

    Aww.. It sounds like a drama! Beautifully written.. also congrats! I wish you guys all the best..

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:24 am

      thanks silviana! hahha that’s what our friends said – must be the K drama craze.

  • Reply Alexandra Hoang September 22, 2016 at 11:53 am

    This is beautiful. Being in an LDR myself this really puts things in perspective. Best of happiness to you two!

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:22 am

      I think LDR is soo tough but at least we have technology now. Keeping it alive has much to be thankful about, no matter where in the world. Some people sleep next to each other but are further than miles. All the best!

  • Reply Anon September 22, 2016 at 12:00 pm

    I’m a guy who is in a similar situation with steph and i must say I am pretty jealous 😂 But all the best to you two!

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:14 am

      haha thank you. be a good person nonetheless and take it like a champ.

  • Reply JanRaves September 22, 2016 at 1:02 pm

    Love the read up. The headlines just couldn’t be resisted as I too have a BFF who happens to be my colleague too.

    It’s gonna be a year since our friendship kicked off and yup like everything you have described, he is someone who puts you first before him, sends you to the door step just so you will be safe and he knows it. Says you are beautiful even when you just wake up with (you know what I mean). Affirms you every time and appreciates everything you do for him. He’ll just be there to embrace every moment and treats every moment as a bonus in his Everyday normal life. Takes really good care of your family and with respect. And most importantly, he just wants the best for you in every aspect of your own life. That’s my BFF.

    Sure it came of to me thinking if he actually had any intentions or might be falling for me. I even confronted him over dinner on the day he came to my convocation. Like why would he even come for my convocation when we barely knew each other?! As months passed, I held back a lot of my feelings from falling because he made it so clear he came with no intentions at all. And to this day he is still that guy I knew right from the start.

    Will I ever fall for him? I don’t know.. Maybe I’d already have? I still do not know.. One thing for sure, he won’t. You see, he is a Christian and a faithful one. He explained once or twice why we could never be together and of course I could just accept Christ and there, problem settled. But not for this guy. He believes that God is going to be the center of his relationship thus his partner has to be as devoted. So I’ve come to this day to let nature plays the part.

    I’m really happy for you and your other half. Thank you so much for sharing! I really enjoyed this article. <3

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:12 am

      Hey JanRaves, it always makes me sad when religion divides people because it doesn’t make sense. Every couple is completely unique but remember you deserve your own love as much as you give it to anyone else. If a man wants to be with you, he will be with you. If he doesn’t want to, don’t read too much it. Focus on you! 🙂

      • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 3:13 am

        *into it

  • Reply Nelson September 22, 2016 at 1:10 pm

    May you guys last.. It’s beautiful..

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:52 am

      thank you nelson

  • Reply Anonymous September 22, 2016 at 7:03 pm

    Very very sweet.:)

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:52 am

      <3

  • Reply Yuki September 22, 2016 at 8:44 pm

    Hi. Great to hear that. I married my “buddy of 7 years”. We have 2 young kids. Our 16th anniversary is just around the corner. Need to have love, faith, trust, patience and understanding to get a lifetime together.

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:52 am

      Wow 16th anni, that’s a milestone indeed. I hope I’ll get there!

  • Reply Vince September 22, 2016 at 8:59 pm

    All the best. Treasure every single bits for they are never come easy as they look to be.

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:49 am

      will do!

  • Reply Chsptiy September 23, 2016 at 12:04 am

    This is beyond all kinds of sweetness. I am tearing.. So happy for both you. Love long & love deep!

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:48 am

      having emotions – that’s good! you’re alive. 🙂 thank you

  • Reply Teppy September 23, 2016 at 12:40 am

    this is too sweet and you wrote it very beautifully! happy anniversary you two. hope someday i’ll be as lucky as you guys are, even if it takes 6 years! ❤

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:45 am

      You’re lucky where you are! good things = more sad things too. Best to live happy in the present moment. x

  • Reply Anonymous September 23, 2016 at 7:19 am

    Have a blessed relationship!
    It was really nice to read this post. :’)

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:41 am

      thank you – despite it being so long.

  • Reply Anonymous September 23, 2016 at 8:12 am

    sweet. v sweet. made me rethink also, about me being friendzoned the last few yrs. best of luck to the both of u 🙂

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:41 am

      Sigh, those times!

  • Reply marsiedoll September 23, 2016 at 1:22 pm

    You made me almost cry. I used to follow you on instagram years ago (bcos youre beautiful) i knew you write but never actlly read any of it. I made a new account, didn’t follow you this time.. So thankful I brought myself to open this article when it chanced itself upon my fb timeline. Going to follow you (bck again) on IG & this time, I’ll have a soft spot fr your relationship. All the best with Steph & may the coming days, years be nothing but bliss and happiness.

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:39 am

      So sweet! Thank you! I’d like to think I improved since then. Still improving haha. I just enjoy writing – good news for girls coming up soon now that I’ll be working with a team. 😉

  • Reply Rhieo September 23, 2016 at 3:22 pm

    Inspiring! Beautifully written.

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:35 am

      thank you! Can’t say it’s the best, but I tried to put sth together. It’s always never enough, too many memories!

  • Reply Anonymous September 23, 2016 at 5:01 pm

    oh how the smallest things can mean so much with the ones we love. “never doubt never fear for he who loves you will cherish you”

    Hope you two have a happy everafter

    -Ben

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:33 am

      thank you!

  • Reply Anonymous September 23, 2016 at 9:45 pm

    Almost same situation. It seems like i’m in the grey area of whether will there be a chance one day.

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:33 am

      Come what may. 🙂

  • Reply Margiela September 24, 2016 at 5:02 am

    I used to like girls who are a bit of a rebel, girls who are bad for me. I don’t know if age caught up or my new found faith reckoning, I find myself attracted to girls who aren’t nice but considerate. So yea, we can say our type for all we want.. Chances of us being with our ideal are anyone’s guess.

    • Reply Chevy September 26, 2016 at 2:30 am

      I don’t believe in ideals anymore, I believe in a 50/50 between fate and flow. 🙂

  • Reply Margiela September 24, 2016 at 5:04 am

    *who aren’t my type but considerate

  • Reply Pam September 28, 2016 at 4:24 pm

    Waited for this post for a year HAHAHAHA am glad it finally appeared on your blog heh. Wishing you and S everlasting happiness 🙂

  • Reply grayce October 1, 2016 at 7:56 pm

    hello chevonne, i love the way you write – how you’re so open, so raw and so so genuine. you have such a flair with words and a way of writing into people’s heart, as you have to mine. i’m so happy for the love you’ve found and i can’t wait to read more of your writings. you inspire me, stay beautiful xx

  • Reply Anonymous October 6, 2016 at 1:26 am

    At least you realize it sooner. I lost my bff and now she’s married. lol

  • Leave a Reply